Cycles

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Today in yoga I sat down on my mat and noticed the same sensation that has been haunting my limbs on and off for the last while. It’s an odd tingling that makes my knees feel like buckling; similar to the feeling you’d get after an insane workout followed by a bunch of squats. I rocked into a plow pose with my toes next to my ears in order to calm my noisy nervous system.

As I focused inward my teacher started talking about “cycles.” She sweetly conveyed that many of us come to the studio, we cycle through our poses without thinking, then we do it all over again when we return. She suggested we try to break the cycle today and be mindful in every pose. If we live every moment, she said, every moment can become a unique experience even if our actions repeat themselves. Every moment is sacred.

It hit me: a cycle is only a cycle if I let it become one. Through mindfulness and respecting the divinity of each moment, I can break what I perceive as an inevitable repetitiveness of experiences.

Lyme goes through complex life cycles inside its human host, leading to a bunch of predictable weirdo symptoms. Yesterday I’d felt burning and aching in my spine, which I knew would be followed by the tingling in my limbs today. The tingling leads to chest tightness and pain in my lungs, which I always dread.

I sat on my heels and realized that I’d been giving lyme’s cyclic nature energetic power. By awaiting foreseeable symptoms, I’d lost focus on the present and let bypass the daily series of moments that accumulate to form my life. Today I created an intention to break this cycle and focus energy on the unique experiences of the present. And in this moment I feel free.

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