From one Lymie to another …
It’s a good day when (ahum hummmmm … drum roll please):
1. You open your eyes and your body is bone dry … this morning you will not be greeted by the sun after producing your own Mississippi River. Score 1 point.
2. Your dream did not involve karate-chopping spiders in the movie Arachnophobia, drowning in your neighbor’s pool, plummeting to your death in a botched skydive, or suffering from delusional parasitosis. Yay for you.
3. You sit up and realize you can feel your legs … both of them. Point for each leg.
4. You walk down the stairs and the only thing you hear creaking is the wood beneath your feet. Didn’t even notice you needed some home repairs, did ya?
5. You get a little funky and toss some cayenne pepper in your cabbage-kale-cilantro-parsley-carrot-sprout drink … because, look out, today you are spicy and dangerous.
6. Your boyfriend is out playing basketball, so you raid his stash of watermelon sweet and sour candies. You grab a handful of them, take a big whiff, drop them back in their plastic bag, then lick your hands! So naughty.
7. You spell out the word “RAD” with your pills, and then swallow them because you are … rad.
8. Because your body is feeling extra fresh, you plan for a walk around the block. You dust off your favorite sweatpants and hit the road (with your alkaline water, your enormously large shades, plenty of organic sunscreen, your cell in case of an emergency and an Ativan). You are a beast!
9. The ringing in your ears has died down enough for you to hear the sound of the birds chirping as they fly into your neighborhood for spring. Tweetle Tweet.
10. You see your neighbor … Frank. You remember his name. Holy heck! “Hey Frank!” You say that kind of loud, but your brain is ON FIRE here. You give yourself a high-five.
11. Your body thanks you for 15 long minutes of walking in the sun with no rash. CoverGirl.
12. When you get home you make yourself a deluxe “detox” bath. You light some candles and listen to Enya while you pour your epsom salts in the shape of a heart. See, boyfriend-that-isn’t-home? You can be romantic.
13. To top off your splendiferous day, your doctor writes with the results of your kidney and liver function tests, and you passed with flying colors. A+ for you.
14. As you tape your results on the fridge, Ice Cube echoes in your ears and it makes you feel a little hardcore: Today was a good day!