Just the Ativan

Do you ever ask yourself, is this really happening? Am I really in my body right now being me? Probably not. But I’m still going to tell you about what happened to me today.

Lyme is a fickle beast. You can wake up feeling like a batch of fresh baked bread and then an hour later feel like a plane crash. It really is that insane on the daily.

So, I started my morning off with enough energy to power an electric toothbrush (which is totally a lot for me). I walked around the house accomplishing mini-chores. I breezed through my living room without tripping, grabbed dishes without my knuckles cracking, put them in the dishwasher without losing my breath AND threw in a load of laundry… I did A. LOT. OF. STUFF.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks … the crippling pain from the bacteria that has WAY overstayed its welcome in my body. When the pain hits I go into survival mode, which means I process reality differently … which means I don’t remember things very well. After the pain dies down, I usually recall what happened to me during that time in waves.

Wave number 1 … I was on the couch when the pain hit.

Wave number 2 … I got into the fetal position for comfort.

Wave number 3 … I was watching “Born in the Wild.”

SIDE NOTE: “Born in the Wild” is a riveting new television show that documents the birth of human babies in the outdoor arena. The husbands sometimes bring their guns to protect their birthing wives from the bears. Yes I am serious.

Wave number 4 … I was moaning and rocking from side to side.

Wave number 5 … Mom giving birth outside in Alaska was moaning and rocking from side to side AT THE SAME TIME AS ME. She was moaning much louder than me and was probably in WAY more pain … but still! Weird, right?

Cut to the dissociative moment: Is this really happening? Am I really in my body right now being me? Are my actions really paralleling this woman’s birthing experience in Alaska? The answer is yes. They totally were!

I had a brief moment where I thought the universe was trying to tell me something, until I realized it was the Ativan. Then I went to sleep. More riveting tales to come.


2 thoughts on “Just the Ativan

    • Hi Raees. I still use it when I have an episode of tachycardia, but this is more under control now. I don’t need it for other issues anymore. There are a lot of alternatives depending on what you need it for. Is it for sleep? Anxiety? Tachycardia?


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