At dinner last night, I said I felt better, and that–(fingers crossed)–I was making prooooogress. The word stuck to my tongue. “Progress, I mean. Progress.”
I felt destined for failure. Jinxed. Cursed. I’m quick to share the experiences that haunt me, that weigh my life down, that suffocate my peaceful existence. I’ve always been this way. I think I do it as a way to relieve negativity. If I release it, like a ladybug, it will fly away home. Somewhere else.
Same goes for positivity, unfortunately. I want it to remain close to my chest, to spread throughout my being and to fill my life with abundant possibilities of joy. I hold it tightly. I play with it, tossing it from one hand to the other, staring at it. I test it, breathe it, tease it. Is it really there?
But I do feel it. The progress. I started using the far infrared sauna every single day. No mess-ups. The heat on my body for 40 minutes. Perspiring. Reading. Perspiring. Re-hydrating. Perspiring. Until the timer chimed.
The progress looks like a stock chart. There’s an upward trend, but there are bad days that make me question. Should I stick to the treatment? Or should I sell and cut my losses?
I don’t feel normal yet, but I am a hell of a lot better. I’m nervous. Writing this makes me nervous. Jinxed. Cursed.
I’m going to buy a small IR sauna for my townhouse. I’ve made a decision to invest in this upward trend. Let’s see where it goes.